Why Does that Voice in Your Head
Keep Criticizing You?
Have you ever felt like there's a constant inner critic or judge inside your head, telling you that you're not good enough? Or maybe you have a part of you that is always trying to protect you from pain and discomfort, even if it means sabotaging your goals and relationships?
These different "parts" of ourselves are the focus of a powerful therapeutic approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS). IFS recognizes that we all have a core, authentic self that is whole and untarnished - what IFS calls the "Self."
However, we also have various protective parts that have developed over time to help us cope with difficult emotions and experiences.
The key insight of IFS is that these parts are not the enemy. In fact, they are trying to help us, even if their methods seem counterproductive. By getting to know these parts with compassion and curiosity, we can learn to work with them, rather than against them.
One of the first steps in IFS is to simply become aware of these different parts.
Notice your inner dialogue and when they are in control. Do you have a harsh inner critic that is constantly putting you down? Or maybe a people-pleasing part that is always trying to be perfect? Identifying these parts is the first step towards reclaiming your wholeness.
From there, the IFS process involves engaging in a dialogue with these parts, understanding their origins and intentions, and ultimately integrating them back into the whole.
It helps to become curious about these parts. If you can accept that they are actually on your side and trying to protect you from something, you can gain insight into what the part is fearing. Once we learn what the fear is, we can naturally access compassion and understanding toward the part. This allows us to access our core Self - the part of us that is loving, curious, and resilient.
Ultimately, IFS is about remembering that we are whole, even with all our different parts. By embracing the full complexity of our inner landscape, we can find greater self-acceptance, emotional freedom, and the ability to show up more authentically in our relationships and in the world.
When starting to integrate IFS into how you relate to yourself, it is hugely valuable to have a trained guide to help you access these parts in a way that is potentially healing, instead of retraumatizing. Working with these parts will be a core component of a local retreat we are offering from September 6-8 called “Reclaim Your Wholeness.” If you are interested, register soon as our limited spots are filling up.
You can also work with one or our therapists one-on-one who trained or are training in IFS to guide you through the process. It's a powerful path towards reclaiming your wholeness.
Finally, if you're interested in exploring IFS further, I encourage you to check out the book No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, the founder of the IFS model. Many people have found it to be a helpful introduction to a new way of relating to yourself that results in more conscious choice and feeling more in alignment with who you are meant to be.
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Are You Trying So Hard to Prove Yourself That You Forget the Self You’re Trying to Prove? We live in a culture that loves to reward striving—be productive, be successful, be helpful, be strong. Many people carry this expectation so deeply that it becomes a way of life. Somewhere along the way, proving ourselves becomes more familiar than being ourselves. Poet Arielle Estoria names this pattern with one powerful question: “Are you trying so hard to prove yourself that you forget the Self you are trying to prove?” So many of us are. We prove we’re enough by saying yes when we want to say no. We prove we’re strong by holding everything together for everyone else. We prove we’re worthy by always doing more—at work, at home, even in our healing. But all this proving comes at a cost: we begin to lose touch with the quiet, steady presence of who we really are. When Over-functioning Becomes a Survival Strategy Over time, doing too much becomes second nature. You might not even realize you’re doing it. You just know that you’re tired. Or anxious. Or constantly second-guessing yourself. You may even feel invisible or resentful, while also being praised for how capable you are. That constant drive to manage, fix, help, succeed, or achieve? It’s often rooted in something deeper. Sometimes it’s shaped by childhood experiences where love felt conditional. Sometimes it’s a response to trauma, grief, or chaos. Sometimes it’s simply the weight of a world that told you you had to earn your value. Whatever its origin, it makes sense. It’s not a flaw—it’s a form of protection. But if you're reading this, there's probably a part of you that’s ready for a different way. You Are Not a Performance. You Are a Presence. There’s a you underneath the striving. A steady, wise, compassionate You that never needed to prove anything. You are already enough—just by being. That deeper Self may have been buried under years of over-responsibility, perfectionism, anxiety, or caretaking. But it’s still there. And reconnecting with it is one of the most powerful steps on the healing path. This is the heart of the work we do—supporting you in coming back to their your sense of worth, safety, and Self. Together, we gently unravel old beliefs and patterns that were formed to help you survive, but now keep you stuck. With time and care, you can learn how to live from a place that feels true, not just expected. Healing Isn’t About Becoming More. It’s About Coming Home. You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to prove your value. You don’t have to hold everything together to be loved. Real healing doesn’t come from doing more—it comes from remembering who you are beneath the doing. At Insight Counseling and Wellness, we create a safe and supportive space for this kind of remembering. Our approach is trauma-informed, holistic, and deeply rooted in reconnecting you with your own inner guidance—y our body’s wisdom, your emotional truth, and your innate capacity to heal. Ready to Stop Striving and Start Coming Home? If you're feeling burned out from doing it all, or like you’ve lost touch with who you really are beneath the roles and responsibilities, you’re not alone—and there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s simply a part of you that’s ready for something more real. Let’s start there. Learn more at Insight Counseling and Wellness or reach out to schedule a consultation . Your healing doesn’t have to be one more thing you push through. It can be a soft return to the Self you’ve always been. We’ve created a free self-reflection guide just for you: ✨ The Pause Before Proving – A one-page resource with journal prompts and a simple breath practice to reconnect before you say “yes” out of pressure. → Download the free guide here
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As the calendar flips to a new year, many of us feel the pressure to reinvent ourselves.
In our fast-paced, people-pleasing culture, it can be easy to lose sight of our own needs and desires.
In our increasingly digital world, it can be tempting to opt for the convenience of online therapy sessions.
The holiday season is upon us, bringing its familiar whirlwind of twinkling lights and festive music. However, many of us feel the ever-present pressure to make everything perfect.
The recent election results have left many feeling anxious, worried, and uncertain about the future.
The holiday season can be particularly challenging for those experiencing grief. While others are celebrating, you may be grappling with a profound sense of loss and emptiness. It's important to remember that grief is a normal response to loss. Whether your loss was recent, a year ago, or ten years ago, the holidays have a way of activating our grief. During this time, you might find yourself struggling with conflicting emotions. On one hand, there's pressure to participate in festivities and appear joyful. On the other, you're dealing with the pain of missing a loved one or processing a significant loss. This internal conflict can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and feelings of isolation. It's crucial to acknowledge that there's no "right" way to grieve, especially during the holidays. Some may find comfort in maintaining traditions, while others might need to create new ones. The key is to be gentle with yourself and allow space for your grief. At Insight Counseling and Wellness Center, we understand the complexities of navigating grief during this season. That's why we're offering a special "Grief and Loss During the Holidays" group series. This supportive environment will provide you with tools to cope with your loss, connect with others who understand your experience, and find meaning during this challenging time. Our series will cover various topics, including: Understanding grief and its impact during the holidays Coping strategies for difficult emotions Creating new traditions or adapting old ones Finding ways to honor and remember your loved ones Planning for the new year while acknowledging your loss You'll gain valuable insights, share experiences with others who understand, and develop strategies to navigate this season with more ease and self-compassion. You don't face the holidays alone in your grief. Register now for our " Grief and Loss During the Holidays " group series and take a step towards healing and finding moments of peace during this challenging time. Your journey matters, and we're here to support you every step of the way.
